I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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