My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
