i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
