he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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