her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
