Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
