Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
