note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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