I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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