if i can run in heels then i can drive
where am i from again
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
