thus making me awesome and them whores
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
