First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
