Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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