Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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