oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
