hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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