my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
