I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The Olympian is in my bed
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
