It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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