I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
