Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
