The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
