btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
