I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
