Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
