Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
