Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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