Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
