the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
