One girl and one boy is just not enough.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
