i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
