and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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