Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
