Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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