she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
