girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
