we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize