the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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