Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
