Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
