Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Can you bring me the toilet please
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
