everyone is single if you try hard enough
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
