Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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