I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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