i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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