did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
