She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
