I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
