he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
