I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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