miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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