You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
