i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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