Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
