Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
