If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
