you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
