I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
