If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
two words: eviction party
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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