You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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