It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
