make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
